Dear ladies and gentlemensssss… 🙂
I thought I’d take the time today to write about waiting and being still.
As an impatient person at the very best of times, I am yet to master this art, though I am fascinated with the practice. I fill my days with constant work and mental chatter because I find it the only way to move forward in my life and career. Cognitively, I know this not to be true. Recently, it took an interesting scrambled eggs date with a dear old friend visiting from France to really open my eyes to the catastrophe that is my current situation. Brutal? Beautiful? Both. Those two words sound strangely similar, anyway.
As I took a bite out of my gluten free toast she looked directly at me and simply said “something is not quite right – you are working TOO hard”. These words have swum around in my own head for many years but whenever I’ve gone to say them out loud I am overcome with guilt. I think many of us in Australia are brought up to work hard and not fucking complain about it…okkkk? But, at what cost? When our hard work becomes so frantic (and then pointless) that we don’t give ourselves enough time to be still and listen to the signs around us, does it actually slow us down? When the universe isn’t meeting us half way does it mean we are in the wrong place, off track? How long do we push before we recognise something major needs to change? These are all questions I am asking at the moment.
After many tears spilling over our now cold breakfasts at Spoon Cafe in New Farm, my dear friend asked me if I’d read The Alchemist. Strangely enough, I was 40 pages in to it at that very moment. I’d read it as a young girl, but back then, it wasn’t yet time for it to take meaning in my life. My friend had just finished it’s final page. I couldn’t help but think this was an omen. The messages in the book began speaking clearer to me than ever.
“The closer he got to the realisation of his dream, the more difficult things became. It seemed as if what the old king had called ‘beginners luck’ were no longer functioning…”
There is no real conclusion to this blog. Only this:
I am at a point where I have a strong gut feeling about certain things that will happen in my life but not really much clue on how they will happen. And for that clarity, I think I need a bit more stillness, a bit more space, and less fear in waiting…quietly. This will probably feel like a step backwards (which is a fear I can’t even begin to put in to words) but I think it will be the opposite – a move forward. I also need to listen to some people LESS and start listening to myself MORE. Hopefully then I will stop resenting these control-freak bossy-boots workaholics that I am obviously attracting lately. And maybe I too will become less of a control-freak bossy-boots workaholic! (ha! My shadow!) I want to be happy. I really, really do.
“To realise one’s destiny is a person’s only obligation”…
Something Interesting: On a light note, watch this tribute to the craziness of my imaginary friends and Tony! So much love.
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