New York #1: Going Inward = Going Outward?

I’m here in the Big Apple. The big, juicy, crunchy mother-fucker of an apple.

And do you know what I want to do most?

Meditate. Journal. Yoga. And map my desires.

Yep, you’ve got it. I’m in New York bloody City and I want to WHAT? Meditate? What is happening to me? Who even ammmmm I? What havvveee IIIII beecccoommmmmeeee? *echo echo*…

Ok. Let’s face it and cut the crap.

I am the first to admit there has been a huge shift in me this past month and a half and it’s taken a great deal of understanding and patience to allow myself this (rare) time to reflect even though that voice in my head is insistent, saying things like:

“Emma you’re in NYC! You should go to the top of the Empire State Building, visit MOMA again, meet the industry, drink a fucking cosmopolitan, network you crazy bitch – GO GO GO!!!”

Now, instead of listen to that voice telling me what I ‘should’ be doing, I’ve chosen to listen to the voice that tells me what I most desire. The voice that asks:

“Emma, what do you feel like doing?”

So today I meditated, journaled, practiced the 5 Tibetan Rites (minus the spinning) and mapped my desires.

I also bought some canvas shoes in Williamsburg and ate some lentils with a delicious tahini sauce at Bliss.

I’m in one of the most extroverted cities in the world during one of my most introverted moments.

But riddle me this…

The more I go inward, the more I feel I am in touch with things ‘out there’

*cue the creepy theremin music*

Let me explain.

I was walking along today on Bedford Avenue and suddenly the word ‘beacon’ popped into my head so strongly. I thought to myself ,“Beacon of what? Of light? Of…? Why is this word pounding in my head suddenly?” Then my amazing life/love/spiritual/relationships coach (I’m not really sure how to define her) popped into my head and I had this overwhelming feeling that the word ‘beacon’ would be used by her. How odd. What a random thought. I can’t remember her ever saying that word before, even though it seems like the sort of word a magical woman like her would say. Though, I shook the thought straight away because it made absolutely no sense.

Until later.

After I returned home, I checked my inbox and I had received an email from her. A delicious guided jade egg meditation. I was so excited that I immediately went upstairs to meditate. Right at the end of this scrumptious meditation, my coach said it. BEACON. There is was. BEACON. Not just in passing, but many times. The word beacon, was an important, significant and integral part of the conclusion to this guided track.

I nearly fell off my chair! (I was sitting on the ground, so this is not true at all)…

I was, however, completely rattled.

Tell me, dear blog friends. Has this sort of thing every happened to you? Is this common? And if so, how do we know when to trust this instinct? How do we know when the visions are real? Or just projections? Or even memories?

As an example, I had one of the strongest visions I’ve ever had about a man I was seeing. It actually didn’t make much sense at the time because things between us also didn’t feel entirely right. But this vision felt so right. It plagued me and plagues me still even though the relationship has ended.

When I was ten I used to be able to predict when beauty pageants were going to be on TV. It’s true. Ask my mum. I thought this meant I was destined to be a super model.


How do we know when we have things inside out and upside down?

If going inward makes you more sensitive to things on the outside or even the future, how do we know which feelings and instincts to hold on to and what we should let go of? How do we navigate this new/old/innate/squashed…sense?

And do we all have it?

Over and out.

Emma x

About Emma Dean

Singer-songwriter, multi-instrumentalist, performer, director, lover, sister, daughter, choir mistress, vegetable fanatic. For more info:
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1 Response to New York #1: Going Inward = Going Outward?

  1. Sally Browne says:

    When I was last in New York, we lay on my friend’s bed listening to tapes from her hypnotist in Brisbane! His soporific strayan drone was quite soothing. It was a strangely New York, but not New York thing to do.

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